You’ve got male
As I prepared for work this morning, I pondered my existence. Maybe it was just a carryover from a dream I don’t remember, or maybe I just woke up on the Zen side of the bed. Or, maybe all the times the women in my life have complained about how lucky I am finally sunk in. Whatever the reason, I came to the conclusion that yes, there are things I like about being a guy. And no, they don’t have anything to do with the ability to write my name in the snow.
I like that I have one bottle of shampoo and conditioner - even better if they’re in the same bottle. (Remember the genius behind that Goobers peanut butter and jelly in the same jar? That’s what I’m talking about.) I also appreciate that the aforementioned bottle of shampoo can last for months. And one bar of soap. On my wife’s “side” of the shower, there are enough shampoo/conditioner/body wash bottles that we could set up a two-lane bowling alley in there.
I like that I can roll out of bed and be in the car in 15 minutes. It may be longer if I take the time to make coffee or my lunch, but not by much. I’m imagining that most guys are the same way. Throw in the ability to get through the week by wearing only two pairs of black work pants, and all I really have to pick out in the morning is my shirt. And honestly, the dry cleaners have taken care of that one too…whatever order the shirts come out of their light plastic cocoon is usually the order in which they get worn.
I like that if I don’t feel like shaving one morning, I just don’t have to. I once grew a full beard just because I didn’t have any more razors. Even if I’m feeling especially lazy, after a few days, it just comes across as “rugged.” Let’s see any of the ladies pull that one off!
Not all of the benefits on the list have to do with a desire to live in one’s own filth. In fact, I really am a neat freak. I had roommates in college who could add to the above list things like “can only spend $2 a month on laundry” or “can cultivate shower mold into a Scooby Doo Chia pet,” and it drove me nuts. For instance, I like that I can spend all day in the garage without actually accomplishing anything. I believe “tinkering” is the technical term for this activity. And if I happen to get some grease or oil or sawdust on my hands? Even better.
I like that I can pack for a week away with one duffel bag and my laptop. We’re planning a trip to Disneyland with my wife’s sister and her husband, and I know that between the four of us we don’t have a car large enough for three days’ worth of luggage. My wife packs a lot, but her sister could force us to rent a U-Haul.
Of course, there are drawbacks to being a guy as well. While they may not include any sort of monthly visits from any unwelcome aunts (although those visits are no picnic for us, either), and certainly not having to experience firsthand the pain of childbirth, but these are just as legitimate. And before this results in any “chivalry is dead” commentary, please understand – I am the most chivalrous person I know. Opening doors, offering to carry things, remembering anniversaries/birthdays, and making the effort to be a gentleman. Although I have yet to find a puddle to lay my jacket across so a lady can walk across it, keep in mind I live in Phoenix. Not many jackets and even fewer puddles.
Say the car gets a flat tire while you’re traveling down the highway, and it’s pouring outside. Or, even better, snowing. Which one of the occupants of the car is expected to be the one to change it? You got it. News flash: guys don’t necessarily enjoy having to change a tire in the rain. If we were by ourselves and had time, you know what we’d do? Sit in the warm car and call Triple A. But since the expectation is there, we brave the elements and possibly pneumonia and perpetuate the myth. This also applies to plumbing emergencies. Just because our plumbing is different than yours does not mean we’re experts at all kinds of plumbing.
I’m not a fan of the fact that I’m supposed to know immediately how to work all technical equipment, be it computers, or home entertainment systems, or power tools, right out of the box. If we want to watch the SuperBowl on the new big screen TV we better not buy it that morning. The manufacturers supply a user’s manual for a reason. I’m not the type of guy who says, “Bah - I don’t need instructions!” If I’m spending money on it, I want to know how to use it without breaking it. I’ve read the fine print and the warranty doesn’t cover stupidity.
I don’t appreciate the fact that dads or men in general are portrayed as imbeciles in the media. Sure, Everybody Loves Raymond is a funny show, but it’s important to remember it’s exactly that: a television show. In real life, he’d already be divorced or dead, probably both. Yes, we men do some dumb things every now and then, but everyone does. We’re not cavemen. And I don’t know of any guys who start a bull session with “let me tell you about the stupid thing my wife/girlfriend did…” but hear it from friends all the time with regard to their husbands. That’s just not cool.
I’m sure there are others, but I don’t want to visit the “rant” well too often, so I’ll call it. Feel free to add your own pros/cons in the comments; they don’t have to be necessarily firsthand experience. At the very least, it’s cathartic and cheaper than therapy.
Oh, and for what it’s worth, being able to write your name in the snow is pretty cool too.
Cheers.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Amen on the negative portrayal of men in the media. I’ve been getting increasingly disgusted with shows and (especially) commercials that show the man as neanderthalic idiot who is corrected by a smug, brilliant woman. Sure, guys do dumb things at times. And sometimes they do dumb things knowing they’re dumb things because it’s fun. But seriously, it’s gone too far.
OK, sorry, this is your rant… I don’t wanna steal your thunder. (Or hi-jack it?)
Cheers,
Brian
P.S. Once I did change the tire on a commercial rental van, in the rain, on gravel, alone with only a small jack. I did it to impress a girl. Recently when my tire went flat, I called triple A. And it was a normal warm sunny day. I kept some guy in work for the afternoon, I didn’t get all greasy, and I got to smoke a fine cigar in the meantime. I’d say that’s a solid argument for the existence of male intelligence.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I am the first one to stand up in favor of men being different from women. I am not a big women’s rights activist. I do believe that women are the weaker vessel, physiologically speaking.
However, I will leave you with one reason I am glad to be a woman.
“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”
November 28th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Brian, I’m with you. I grew up and worked my way through school with the goal of being able to pay someone to do the things I don’t want to do. And that definitely isn’t a knock on “blue collar” jobs…God bless ‘em. Our society would fall apart if someone wasn’t there to tow our car off the highway or pick up our trash or fix our plumbing. It’s just not I wanted to do and I am more than happy to pay a qualified individual to do these things for me. Just like I would imagine they would need me for if it were something a little more, eh, digital. More power to them.
And MyStarbucks…I agree with you there. I, and I may be the only one, but who knows, just get tired of the “oh, you’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with X-topic of the moment.” I didn’t choose to me a guy, it happened that way. I’m just saying that I’m glad it did.
Can’t we all just get along?
November 28th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Just your luck Joe. Leave it up to you to have to change a tire during the one or two times it rains in AZ.
And I totally agree with the “technical equipment” thing. Its becoming frustrating to have to configure the TV every time a woman wants to watch a DVD. It’s only one button, and you push it once to switch input. Why is that so hard?
November 29th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Well, my wife doesn’t have a problem with it once it’s configured, it’s that “I just bought this universal remote that controls the TV and VCR and DVD and garage doors and coffee pot. I need it to work for when my friends come over in 10 minutes” kind of conversation that gets me, since technical knowledge is hardwired into the Y chromosome. Another favorite: “what do you mean you can’t fix my computer? I thought you worked on them for a living”- even though I am constantly explaining that working AT a computer all day long is not the same as working ON a computer all day.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 am
Hi Joe,
Thank you for sharing a man’s perspective on the “you’re so lucky to be a guy” thing.
I’m with you on the men-as-dumber-than-rocks thing on t.v., and I wonder if that’s why cute little Katie hasn’t gotten the ratings they thought she’d get on the evening news - could it be that the majority of people actually appreciate watching intelligent men? Assuming that is true, is it any wonder that the Discovery Channel and all of its children are so hugely popular?
It isn’t just t.v. Are you familiar with Papa Bear of the Berenstain Bear books??
My sons appreciate that I don’t sit there and laugh at the Stoopid Man Antics on television, but tell them, “Your Dad would never do something idiotic like that,” and other things that I probably shouldn’t say here. Boys get the short end of the stick far too often and it irritates me that the men they are becoming are so disrespected by the media as to be portrayed as morons.
Stepping off my soapbox,
Mrs. N
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Thanks for chiming in Mrs. Nickelbee. I am only vaguely familiar with the Bernstein Bears…it’s been a while. I’m sure that as your boys age they’ll appreciate the attitude you’re teaching them. It will all come in handy someday.
I can’t really speak to the Katie Couric on prime time news…I have to admit I haven’t watched the news show she’s been on. I’ve never been a huge fan of hers, or for that matter, most of her crew on her old show. The info-tainment industry just grates on me to the point that I don’t even bother with it anymore.
December 6th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Good point. I hate the way men are portrayed in the media, too. Feminism was about equality as I understood it, the idea that women and men were different but when it came down to it, just people. As it is, women seem to be allowed to make all kinds of derogatory and sexist jokes about men but they aren’t allowed to do the same thing to us… um… that’s not equality that’s just a different kind of sexism.
That said, also with you on the tyre thing, I hate it that women are still expected to do the housework, you know, cleaning, hoovering, washing and all that stuff. Even when both they and the man of the house are working… I’d be happy to change a tyre… not that I have a spare - no room, I have to be towed instead.
Cheers
BC
December 6th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
That’s a good point…it’s definitely a two-way street. That said, I don’t mind doing housework, cleaning up the kitchen, that sort of thing. I think it may be because I’m obsessive-compulsive, but I like to think it’s because I appreciate a clean house.
Your car has no spare tire? I guess they are pretty small, but wow. That must leave you stranded on more than one occasion.