Breaking up is hard to do. But fun to watch.
One thing I love about the coffee shop is that it’s always full of interesting people to watch. Sitting with my headphones in, people naturally assume that I’m listening to music. Sure, the occasional head nod to a fictitious tune adds to the effect, but it isn’t really necessary. The best part is that after a few initial comments that would get the eavesdropping motors running, they assume I’m not listening to them, and will say just about anything in front of me.
Once I sat in awe as a gay couple had an all-out cat fight, complaining about how they don’t go out on dates anymore, and how all they do is fight about money. “Oh, and are you trying to kill me? Please put your dishes in the dishwasher when you’re done with them!” It was easy to imagine they have been married for 10 years. Except that I could see them, so that was out the door. It was painful and intriguing at the same time. Like a car accident, I couldn’t look away.
Now, today, sitting at Starbucks working on a rare freelance project, the couple in front of me is breaking up. She, of course, has a list of good points for why she isn’t getting what she needs out of the relationship. He, of course, sits dumbfounded as to what she could possible need more than his portly, buzz-cutted self. There will be tears soon, and he just doesn’t see it coming. I just hope they don’t leave first.
How is it that when these kinds of conversations are had, the woman is the one with everything all together? Even if the guy initiates the breakup, he ends up sounding like a boob, and while she could be a raving psychopath any other day, that day she’s got her head screwed on straight. The girl may or may not have been psychotic, it’s hard to tell from this little slice of life. She could have been working from an outline:
- She feels them growing apart
- She doesn’t know what she wants in a mate
- Her life is a blank canvas right now, and she doesn’t want to close any doors before they open
His comments run the gamut of his cro-magnon-esque psyche:
- Don’t you like me?
- I thought we were happy.
- Don’t you like me?
- Silently to himself: I wonder if that barista is single.
Some nervous laughs, an awkwardly long hug, and she’s gone. He’ll stay here to lick his wounds, drown his pain in a venti Peppermint Frappuccino. And of course, hit on the coffeeshop bunnies. So predictable, yet, like an episode of Friends, always worth the pause to watch.
Why doesn’t this happen on the days when I have nothing to do?
A post script:
I think as punishment for me watching the breakup earlier and getting a little entertainment out of it, now the guy behind me is watching Will & Grace on nbc.com, at full volume, and laughing along, at full volume, as if he were at home in his smiley face sunshine jammie pants and half shirt. The best part? Somebody in his Fave Five obviously had something better to do three years ago than watch Will & Grace reruns; sadly, they missed it when it aired. Have no fear, this kid with more bandwidth than tact is here to save the day! Forget sending the friend a link, he’s found his true calling: recounting the show into the phone as it happens. Such dedication our young hero has, especially considering he not only has to shout all the dialog over the show itself, but the espresso machine, the coffee grinder, and yes, even the other patrons.
We’re so inconsiderate.
November 25th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Hey, Joe!
Her break-up list does sound like it was taken from a sitcom…hollow words like ‘creative differences.’
Wonder who’s entered her ‘un-closed’ door and boning her blank canvas right now.
And him! The word blank fits him just right.
November 25th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Will and Grace? WTF!
November 26th, 2007 at 7:32 am
The breakup was classic, right out of a TV show:
*Girl dumps loser boyfriend in public so he can’t make a scene and exits stage right.
*Boy then slurps melted candy bar of a drink and checks out girls in line. Girls have been in line long enough to know what happened and blow him off.
*Boy wipes peppermint drizzle off his chin.
I know, Will & Grace?! That’s what I said. I even turned on real music and turned it up in an effort to drown out the noise…but to no avail. It was so loud my ears are still ringing today. I had to pack it up and go home. When I left the shop, the kid, still shouting over his own laptop, was hitting on some poor girl trying to study at the table next to him. If it weren’t for W&G I would have stuck around for that shellacking. At least I could have aimed the laptop camera that direction. It would have been YouTube gold.
November 26th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Your a better men then I am…I would have straight up told him to turn that shit off.
Will and Grace…damn.
Maybe if he was watching some secret lost episode of a MODERN show, his actions would be justified. Even if he was watching Star Trek…but Will and Grace?
November 27th, 2007 at 5:36 am
I love that you keep the headphones in so people think you are listening to music and let it all hang out in front of you… I love that another person in the world is that devious… are you sure you’re not a woman… or um… channelling one?
As for the other little scrote, yes, like Jason, I reckon I’d have told him!
Cheers
BC
November 27th, 2007 at 6:23 am
Well, I do plug the other end of the wire into my iPod or laptop, I just don’t turn any music on. I’d hate for someone to see that I’m sitting there, bobbing my head every now and then, with the other end of the cord swinging in the breeze.
There are enough crazy people out there without me acting like one too.
November 27th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Ok, I’m so doing the headphones thing someday soon! Great tactic.
November 27th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Hahaha..what a hilarious account of Starbucks happenings…I have never witnessed a break-up before-my-eyes..it seems like the potential for high-quality entertainment; add that to my list of things to see in life.
PS: I love watching TV at home in my “smiley face sunshine jammie pants”
November 27th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Romi, I had you pegged for a sunshine pajama pants kind of person all along.
And the breakup…it isn’t the first time I’ve listened/watched one at a coffee shop. The headphones are the golden ticket - like finding the previous tenant didn’t turn off their cable. It’s just free entertainment.
November 27th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
JD,
Been a while. Hope you’re well. Let me know how you’re doing.
Hope Thanksgiving was L-Tryptophantastic….or not.
LK
November 27th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
You’re also in the latest edition of “Cram Magazine”.
http://cram-mag.com/issue-06.html
November 28th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Wow…that’s very cool LK!
November 28th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
As you know, I am a huge Starbucks fan. Hence the name, MyStarbucks. Unfortunately I spend most of my time in the drive through lane where I not only miss all the wonderful, live television breakups, but have to endure explaining my order to some new barista about 4 or 5 times, before I can even enjoy my beloved Chai.
I am going to agree with Secret Agent Momma and declare a vacation day for myself where I can go to Starbucks, plug in the laptop and earphones, and just listen.
Thanks for the tip and if I see a guy doing the same thing in Phoenix, I’ll know it’s you! LOL
November 28th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
I’m telling you…it’s a good time, totally worth skipping the drive through. I don’t know how comfortable all these people are they that they only need the lowest level of privacy, but certainly more comfortable than I. The tables are set up in such a way that I am six feet from them, facing their direction. Even if I were really listening to music, I could still read their lips. At the very least sit farther away!