FourBux

Where everybody knows your name. . .

So, not too long ago, the wife and I were back in our small hometown. While there, as a general rule, we try to avoid any type of retail shopping in said town, only because we can’t get out of any given store there without running into someone we know. We go back to visit family, and bolt immediately for the city limits. Even stopping long enough for gas is taking the chance we’ll run into someone from high school. My wife has it worse than I do, only because she looks like she did in school. I, thankfully, look like I ate the person I was in high school.

We stopped to run into Target, and I dropped her off at the door, and then went to park the car. Who says chivalry is dead? That, and I don’t want to have to spend any more time than absolutely necessary outside the safety of the tinted windows. You, Wifey, are on your own.

When I finally sauntered inside, I decided that I wanted some of that Target brand popcorn that they sell. Hot, salty goodness, freshly made six hours ago. And I’d still be within ten feet of the door if a reunion erupted.

I approached the clerk at the snack counter, and said hi. The high school girl looked up from the tangled receipt machine she was working with and gasp. Her eyes bulged, her mouth hung open, staring silently.

Confused, of course, I slowly turn around and glance over my shoulder to see what or who she was staring at. Nobody back there. Hmm. Not a good sign. Perhaps she’s having an allergic reaction? Benadryl, to the cafe! Stat!

As I turn back around and meet her gaze, she sighs “We never get famous people in here!” I quickly look over my other shoulder to see if Justin Timberlake or somebody else had come in and was standing behind me. Nope. Still just me, wondering who in the world does she think she’s talking to?

Now, the thought crossed my mind to ask her, you know, who she thought I was, but it’s kind of hard to keep the charade going after that question. And I really wanted to see if I could score some free popcorn and a bottle of water. I hear celebs don’t have to pay for anything, and I’d really like a piece of that action.

I ordered a popcorn and water, and somehow she managed to serve up a bag of the fresh stuff and water without ever taking her eyes off me. She charged me for them, too, so kudos to her for not being swept up in the (albeit misdirected) fame.

I still have no idea who she thought I was.